Blaine Train Ranks the Top 10 Sports Movies

By Blaine Fentress

Choo-Choo
 
I gave myself one whole week to think of something clever to start a column with. Something that caught your eye when you began to read this. Something that was hip, fresh, and dope at the same time.
 
I give it a week, then I am probably dumping it. Again, if you have a better phrase to use, leave it in the comments section below.
Before we dive into this weeks column, time to wrap up last week and give a shout out. Last week, I talked about how the NHL was acting foolish in dragging their heels in allowing NHL players in the 2014 Olympics.
 
Chris H, still drunk with happiness after Team Canada prevailed, wrote: “The players are going to go. Ovechkin already committed to it, he doesn’t care what happens. Frankly I don’t blame him. Who wouldn’t want to compete in the Olympics for their country in their home? If the games were in a non hockey powerhouse country, I think it might not happen, but its going to.
 
Here's what the NHL is saying between the lines. When Bettman says "an immediate decision is silly" Bettman is really saying "We have to deal with collective bargaining again between now and then, and that’s going to be an issue". Aside from exposure, the NHL doesn’t really gain anything from letting the players go. I wouldn’t be shocked to see Bettman try and figure something out there too. The CBA expires in 2011, after that’s resolved, they'll figure out Sochi.”
 
An excellent point as usual from Chris. And, I doubt that the NHL would go through with not allowing players in the Olympics. Especially since Russia will be blood thirsty for a gold medal. I just wish they would have assured people that the issue wasn’t in jeopardy. I don’t know if I could watch Olympic Hockey if it had just amateurs. But, then again that was the 1980 U.S. Hockey team.
 
Speaking of which…

Blaine Train’s Top Ten Sports Movies….and Five Bad Ones.

 
It is Oscar time again. That time of the year when people will walk the red carpet. They will laugh at every corny joke the presenters will try to tell while reading a teleprompter from a distance. They will leap for joy when they win the award for best Technical Key Grip Operator for a Short or Animated Film. And, they will speak up again the travesties that are committed against the country of Belgium in the last few years. All before the conductor starts the music and the security drags the winner off state.
 
By the way, my vote this year for Best Picture is anything that isn’t “Avatar.” I won’t lie to you, I am in fear of the blue creatures taking over this world in the near future. Mock me if you must, but don’t say I didn’t warn you when they control of our cities. In all seriousness, I am pulling for “The Hurt Locker”, it was pretty intense.
 
Now, that got me thinking about sports movies in general. If there was a genre that I am typically drawn to, it is the sports movie. It deals with a subject matter that I usually love, which is sports. There is enough drama and action to keep in intrigue the entire time it is on. Plus, it helps when you add in comedy as well. So, I came home and typed out a bunch of sports movies that I love. Cut a few from the list and ranked them. And, that leads to the Blaine Train’s Official Exclusive Top Ten Sports Movies….of ALL TIME!
 
10. The Sandlot: “You’re killing me, Smalls” I know that some people probably have much better movies to put in this spot. But, this was a        movie that I saw over and over again as a kid. The characters were all about my age. It dealt with one of my favorite sports growing up: Baseball. And, it made me terrified of big dogs in fenced-off yards. Plus, I learned that you never play catch with a baseball that has “Babe Ruth” on it.
 
Best scene: When Ham Porter is catching and tries to distract the hitter, “ You know, if my dog was as ugly as you. I'd shave his butt and tell him to walk backwards.” Next hitter up, “ Is that your sister out there in left field, naked?”
 
9. Miracle: See, here is my tie-in from the shout-out from earlier. The story of the 1980 U.S. Hockey team was dramatic enough without having the movie made about it. But, Disney did a great job with telling the story. By the way, if you have yet to watch this movie and you don’t know how the U.S.S.R. game turns out, here is a spoiler alert……….we won.
 
Best scene: Herb’s speech to his players during that game, “You were meant to be here tonight. This is your time. Their time is done. It's over. I'm sick and tired of hearing about what a great hockey team the Soviets have. Screw 'em. This is your time. Now go out there and take it.” There is a three year old who can do the entire speech and that is on Youtube. Look it up.
 
8. Let It Ride: There are probably many of you that have no idea about this movie. And, I don’t blame you. Outside of Jaws, this is my only other favorite Richard Dreyfuss movie. And, it deals with two of my favorite things in the world: Horse Racing and Gambling. Every time I see this movie, it usually makes me go down to the local OTB and put 2 bucks to win on the 7 horse in the 3^rd race.
 
Best scene: The only place that Dreyfuss likes to keep his money in inside his shoes. I tried that once and there was some sort of fungus on the 5 dollar bill I gave to the gas attendant. Never again.
 
7. Remember The Titans: Yes, I know I have this ranked too low more most of you. But, the top 6 movies are better in my eyes. Still, this is a
very good movie. Best Denzel Washington role he has ever played. Rather than Training Day, he should have won an Oscar for his role as Coach Herman Boone.
 
Best scene: Right before they play their first football game, Coach Boone, “ Let me tell you something: you don't let anyone come between us. Nothing tears us apart. In Greek mythology, the Titans were greater even than the gods. They ruled their universe with absolute power. Well that football field out there, that's our universe. Let's rule it like Titans.” I still like to think they are talking about the Tennessee Titans.

6. Field Of Dreams: Now, usually when I hear voices in my head, I just ignore them. Especially if I was an Iowa farmer and it told me to created a baseball field so ghost can have a place to play. That is when I would decide to stop hitting the sauce. But, not Kevin Costner. This was during a time that Kevin could be in a movie and it was something women would love to watch. So, obviously this was all before Waterworld. And, James Earl Jones reminded us that he has a very deep voice and loves the game of baseball. But, if you live near a cornfield and you see ghost coming out, you might want to call the authorities.
 
Best Scene: James Earl Jones, “ Oh... people will come Ray. People will most definitely come.” “Luke, I am your father.” “Simba” “This is CNN.” Thought I could throw all of those in at the same time.
 
5. Bull Durham: The better Kevin Costner baseball movie. It basically made minor league baseball look like fun. Made Costner look like a wise-old sage. Made Tim Robbins look like a goof with a fastball. And, made Susan Sarandon look like someone who sleeps around a lot. This movie also taught me that you have to always “respect the streak” and if you hit the bull beyond the outfield wall, you get a free steak.
 
Best Scene: When LaLoosh hit the mascot with a Fastball just a bit outside. All mascots should realize that if they are that close to the field, they are fair game.
 
4. Rocky: Yes, the five sequels pale in comparison to the original. Go back and watch them all. They all have the same formula. Rocky has some brief success…he has to deal with conflict…there is a training montage…and he overcomes his adversary. But, the original was far and away the best because it seemed to be as real as it gets. Plus, dead cows will always make for great punching bags. I have one right now. It stinks up the joint but, now I can break a man’s rib with a right punch to the body.
 
Best Scene: Of course it is running up those stairs and overlooking Philadelphia. You probably remember that more than anything else from the movie.
 
3. Major League: At first, I had this as my #1 but, it ends up here. It was the first time I can ever remember anything that made Cleveland look like winners. Rule of thumb, don’t ever drink Jobu’s rum or flying bats will attack you. But, for me, Bob Uecker was what made this movie even funnier.
 
Best Scene: “The post game is brought to you by….Christ, I can’t find it. To Hell with it.” Funniest line for me.
 
2. Hoosiers: For the past 7 years I have been in the business, I have covered a good amount of Indiana High School Basketball games. There is so much excitement, history, and fun behind it. I never understood how much schools live for this game until I have been to gyms that are no bigger than my apartment. I had to stand on the stage that overlooks the floor before because there was nowhere to stand on the floor. And, whenever I am in these types of schools, I always think about Hoosiers. This movie helped me fall in love with basketball. They made it look like a simple game then and it is still today. And, this was the best role Gene Hackman has ever done, by far.
 
Best Scene: When they won the Indiana State Championship, with that music that everyone knows playing in the background. I am still waiting for my chance to go to Hinkle Fieldhouse.
 
1. Caddyshack: Yes, when it came out, I wasn’t even born. But, I have seen it so many times and it is still funny to this day. This was a time when Chevy Chase can say anything and people would laugh. A time that Ted Knight represented every rich a-hole we knew. A time that Rodney Dangerfield had a one-liner for anything. And, a time that Bill Murray was more than just an SNL star. Plus, a furry gopher who loved to dance and candy bars in pools just floating around. What more can you ask for.
 
Best Scene: “Hey everybody, we’re all going to get laid.” And, that was how the movie ended.
 
But, while I typed out movies I loved, I also typed out movies I hate. So, here are the Blaine Train’s WORST PUTRID PIECES OF JUNK BOTTOM DWELLING SPORTS MOVIES EVER!!!
 
1. Caddyshack 2: It was basically the same characters, except different actors. Went from Rodney Dangerfield to Jackie Mason. Ted Knight to Robert Stack. Bill Murray to Dan Aykroyd. And, a funny Chevy Chase to an unfunny Chevy Chase.
 
2. Rocky 5: The movie that put a giant “thud” to the franchise. Sly Stallone made me want to punch Rocky in head in this one. Wasn’t that great that his last fight was going to be on the streets in front of a bar? The less said about this one, the better.
 
3. Ed: Hey Matt LeBlanc! You seem popular here in 1997. You are on the hit sitcom “Friends” and women seem to swoon all over you. Yeah, you want to be in a movie that can capture your essence on the big screen. How about this, you will be in a baseball movie. Doesn’t that sound great so far, you will be the lead in this picture. And, guess who your co-star will be? A ball- playing chimpanzee. Brilliant!! Dud.
 
4. Air Bud: I know, I was never the intended audience for this movie but, come on. A dog that plays basketball??? One of the brilliant quotes from this was, “ Ain’t no rules that says a dog can’t play basketball.” With that logic, I should be a shoo-in for the Westminster Dog Show next year. Lance can enter me as a Blaine-Tzu. What also gets me about this movie was that is has lead to 8 spin-offs and sequels. That is more than what Harry Potter will ever produce.
 
5. Air Up There: Kevin Bacon as a college basketball coach travels to Africa. He finds a tribe that can play basketball and they win a big game at the end. Enough said.

There you go. I know that some of you might not agree with these selections. Please feel free to tell me your top ten sports movies. But, if you try to convince me that Rookie of the Year, Little Big League, or Like Mike should be in the top ten, we are no longer friends. Yes, I know that is a little harsh, but so where those movies. But, at least they weren’t blue people trying to shoot arrows at me. And, with that, the train rolls on…