Train Stop --- Blaine Recaps The Indianapolis 500

By Blaine Fentress
lancewilkerson.com Senior Writer

When one thinks of the state of Indiana, what comes to mind? Hoosiers, Basketball, Larry Bird, Farmlands, Indianapolis Colts, Peyton Manning, and … The Indianapolis 500. At least that is what I think of when I think of the state I have been working in for the past 7 years.
 
Ever since I was a little Train, running around in a beach house in Bayou Vista, Texas, I always was memorized by the sights and sounds of the 500. Fast cars, going over 200 MPH, passing each other and crashing. I have watched this race since I was 7. I remember that because it was the year that Emerson Fittipaldi first won it. Now, granted I am not the biggest auto racing fan out there but, for the big ones I do get the chance to watch.
 
This race will also remind of the one time that I got the chance to cover it for WTHI-TV. It was a huge deal for me. Got there as early as they allowed media to get there. We walked around the garage areas and got to see the race cars get fueled up for the first time. Got to meet celebrities like LeVar Burton and Mike Patrick (all right, so not everything was perfect). And, I was in a great vantage point when they waived that green flag for the first time as the cars made there way down the straight away. The only problem was…it rained. Talk about your bummers. Didn’t get to stay at the race and catch everything but, I was there for a short time and that was fun.
 
That brings me to today. I work on Sundays down but, I didn’t have to fear about missing this race. That is the beauty of DVR. So, after finishing my work for the day, I am going to sit down, pour some El Jimador Tequila into my favorite shot glass, and watch one of the best sporting events (in my opinion) still in the USA. Now, won’t you join me as…

Blaine Train Recaps The Indy 500.

 
 
Before I begin, lets come to one realization…the race isn’t as popular nationwide as it use to be. Thanks to one of the biggest mistakes in racing history, when Indy Car and CART split up, the open-wheel sport hasn’t been the same. Of course that was before DANICA showed up. Like it or not, she is the face of Indy Car. Most people might not know who a Marco Andretti is? Or a Tony Kanaan is? But, you know Danica. I bring this up because, thanks to her getting her feet wet in the world of NASCAR earlier this year, her days in Indy Car might be numbered. This might be one of the last times I get to see Danica compete in the 500. Doubt she will win. My money is on Helio…because Penske is king when it comes to the 500. So, take away Brent Musburger.
 
Pre-Race: The recap will be long enough so, I will quickly get through this. Looks like a nice sunny day in Indy. This race seems to attract more rain than any other sporting event.
They did a movie intro for TV that was just a bit over the edge and for that, I now take…SHOT NUMBER 1 OF TEQUILA. Need the alcohol to wash away how bad of a intro that was. By the way, Helio is looking to win number 4 to join an exclusive group of A.J. Foyt, Rick Mears, and Al Unser. I think Helio (and I am not going to spell the last name, hopefully you know who I am talking about) has a great chance at winning it today because, I really don’t think too highly of the field he is competing against.
If there is a team of racers to spoil Helio’s bid, it would be Target Chip Ganassi’s team of Dario Franchiti and Scott Dixon. Dario has won the 500 before and remains one of the luckiest men on Earth for being married to Ashley Judd. He went to Nascar and it wasn’t kind to him. So, he is back. Scott Dixon might as well be named Iceman because he doesn’t show much emotion, but he does know how to win races. Expect both drivers to be near the lead of the field all day long.
 
Mark Wahlberg will be driving shotgun in the in the pace car. Better role than Invincible. Driver’s intros…Jack Nicholson kisses the bricks, “Back Home Again In Indiana” and away we go…
 
Lap 1: Didn’t even get a full lap into the field before the oldest driver in the race, Davey Hamilton, crashes after Turn 2. This calls for … SHOT NUMBER 2 OF TEQUILA. He is fine but doesn’t have any kind words for Tomas Scheckter, who he calls “an idiot.” I mean, he wasn’t the one who crashed within the first lap of the race. I am just saying, Davey.
 
8: Bruno Junqueira, who always is a dark horse at this race in the past few years, has become the second car to crash. At this pace, we might not have any cars left to finish the race. Overused clique.
 
27: Dario has the lead as the two Penske cars of Helio and Will Powers stay right behind him. Tell me that Will Powers is not a cool name to have for racing? Or for life for that matter. When he comes up on a women, does he give the classic line: “ Come back to my place, your will powers are no match for my Will Powers?” I used that line once, got into a mess of trouble with her boyfriend. Another story, another time.
 
33: Will “Austin” Powers takes the lead from Dario. He has been successful through the early part of the Indy Car season. Wait, you look confuse? Yes, they have had Indy Car races before today’s race this year. Why haven’t you seen any of them? Because they are on Versus. See NHL rant for my feelings on being on that cable channel. If you aren’t on basic cable or have to be purchased on a “sports tier” then how much of an audience can you really expect to have?
 
37: First pit stops of the race. Helio not happy with the car yet, needs work. Kanaan, who had to start at the back of the field due to being in a backup car, has gone from 33 to 15 within 40 laps. He has always been one of my favorite drivers and, he is the Phil Mickelson of Indy Car. Great driver, no 500 victory. Of course, Phil has won a major since then, I should change the name. And, Will Powers’s fueling spring on the car is stuck outside of the car, which means the dreaded BLACK FLAG. That might do it for him.
 
51: A quarter of the way into the race and Dario is in first, Helio is in second. Both guys have great first names. From now on, I would like to be called Blaineo Traineo…I will hail from Columbia. By the way, I am sure at this point the casual fan will turn off the race because they think it is boring but, the speed and if the car can gain on another is the reason why come every Memorial Day Weekend, I am watching the 500 and 600.
 
65: John Andretti, who is driving for Richard Petty racing, has crashed into the wall. I always feel bad for John because I don’t know if he knows what world to be a part of. He has raced in Indy Car and never really been successful. He has raced in Nascar and has never been on top, although I think he has won a race or two. And, Richard Petty Racing, that is another snake bit team. Petty is the King of Nascar, but he has not been the king of owners yet. Him and A.J. Foyt might want to call it a day when it comes to owning cars.
 
68: Bad pit stops continue as it appears Rafel Matos, who was 3^rd going into the pit stop, decides that not having a fourth wheel is valuable and drives off before it is in place. Tough break for him. Scott Dixon, who has looked good in the past, hasn’t looked good yet today and also stalled in Pit Lane. But, look who it is fourth…the 7-11 car of Tony Kanaan. Man, one thing I miss about living in Texas were 7-11’s. They were the first ones with the Slurpees and the brain freezes that followed. When I moved to Kentucky and saw nothing but BP’s…I cried a little inside. You know who else is crying, seagulls who live on the Louisiana Coast right now because of BP. I know, I shouldn’t mock it. Anyway, back to the race.
 
73: First big laugh of the race for me comes from Matos. He first takes off without a tire and now decides that his car was too much intact and decides to scrap it up against the wall. I know, you should never laugh at a wreck. But, when you are too snakebit and it all comes crashing down on you, sometimes you can’t help but to laugh. For Mr. Matos, I will take my…SHOT NUMBER THREE OF TEQUILIA. Man, this column will be getting more fun in a minute.
 
104: We have past the half-way point of this race. Basically, you can sum up the 500 right now to this: Dario and Helio, bad pit-stops, one-car crashes, and three shots of El Jimador. I would like to also remind you that the beauty of DVR comes into play as I am able to skip ahead of every commercial. I haven’t seen one yet today and I won’t.
 
106: Yellow flag again for Vitor Meria. At least there wasn’t a crash. Graham Rahal has turned into the Indycar “Bad Boy” in this race. He has been black flag for blocking Scott Dixon and Dan Wheldon illegally plus, he wouldn’t let Dario lap him at all. He knows he isn’t going to win the race. But, he will do whatever it takes to make sure that you remember who he is for years to come. I respect that.
 
125: That’s right, the 7-11 guy who started in the last position…is now in 2^nd place and has a great chance to win the race. I mean Dario has ran a great race so far and Helio has been laying in the weeds, waiting for his chance to strike. But, Tony is in a great position.
 
146: Helio stalls coming out of pit lane. This means he will have a little more ground to make up at the finish. If his car stalled on the first pit stop, it is an easy thing to overcome. But, this late in the game, it could be this stall that cost him his 4^th Indy 500. Tequila is kicking in a bit here. I am the king of the cheap stuff. Sauza is still my fave but, I would have to put El Jimador second. In case you are wondering how I feel about top shelf brands, buy me a bottle and I will tell you. Ha.
 
147: Ryan Briscoe, who was running as good of a race as Dario, Tony, and Helio, has crashed into the wall a lap after his pit stop. Tough breaks all around for Penske and if they are able to pull a win out of the 500, it will be solely by luck.
 
162: A crash of someone that I never have heard of before leads to everyone getting in their last pit stops of the race. This is when the sprint portion of the race begins. Everyone except for Helio comes in for their last pit of the race. Now, under 40 laps, expect people to get more aggressive in their racing. My biggest question: What happens to Dario when he has to catch up to Helio and take the lead back? These are the times Helio wins races.
 
170: Yeah, one thing that has annoyed me throughout the entire race is this mention of the “push to pass” Apparently, you get 15 of them to start the race. I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT THEY ARE. And they haven’t done a good job of explaining what it is to the casual viewer of the 500. I know that you have been using this term throughout the season but, PLEASE EXPLAIN. Can they only pass 15 cars in a race? That seems to be a bit stupid.
 
172: I have figured it out, it is a nitro burst or something like that. That is something from a video game. Remember that when you are racing and if you hit Y, your car will go faster. You want to know what would make Indy Car even cooler, incorporate all those power ups from Mario Kart. I would love to see someone catch a star and go faster or leave a banana peel on the track. Or worse, throw the Blue Turtle Shell of Death. Trust me, you never want to get the Blue Shell of Death.
 
180: Time to sprint. Justin Wilson is in the lead, but it won’t last because he will run out of fuel. Helio sits in 2^nd but, he also needs a yellow in order for him to make it to the finish without more fuel. Bad Boy Graham Rahal is in 3^rd and before he runs out of fuel, I am sure he will be taking out three or four cars in the process. And, you know who is in 4^th with the fuel and tires to make it to the end…Dario. By the way, Dario Franchitti is actually a Scottish name. Otherwise, it is stupid for the announcers to call him the Flying Scotsman. Doesn’t matter what country he is from, he still has a HOT wife.
 
189: Helio takes the lead. If there isn’t a yellow in the next three to four laps, he won’t be up there for very long. Graham Rahal is out as well so now, it is Helio vs. the rest of the wolf pack. And this wolf pack isn’t out in the desert, looking for Cocaine and strippers. Why did I capitalize Cocaine. I just did it again.
 
192: Called it, Helio is out. Dario takes the lead but now, there is a bit of a question on if Dario can make it on fuel as well. Tony and history are knocking at Dario’s door, who still has a HOT wife.
 
195: So Dario and Tony are both in fuel conservation mode. It is like when you have the little dial just above E and you are willing and begging your car to push out just a few more miles so you can make it to the cheap gas station. That is where those guys are. But, Dan Wheldon, who has won before and is in 3^rd, he is that Corvette who sees your KIA barely making it to the gas station, and he wants to pass you. Who will get to that gas station first. Did I mention Ashley Judd is Dario’s wife yet?
 
196: Tony is in the pits for a splash and go. I never understand why they wait as late as they did. His car went from 33 to 2 within 100 laps. Maybe they should have brought him in 10 laps ago and got all they needed on fuel. Unless something unthinkable happens, Dario will win his 2^nd Indy 500.
 
198: Pretty much Dario vs. Dan Wheldon. I have met Wheldon in person before, very nice guy. Wheldon is running 5 mph faster than Dario. But slower traffic and a 3 second lead might be enough for Dario to hang on with just a drop of gas left in his engine.
 
200: What looks to be a nasty wreck on the last lap of the race ensured Dario the 500. The “Green-White-Checked” rule in Nascar would have been great here. I hate to see a race end on a caution. Especially when it came down to fuel and how they managed it. Dario ran a great race, no doubt about it. He led the most laps on the day. But, who knows how it could have ended if he went green the rest of the way.
 
Mike Conway got to do two things today. One, he got to lead a few laps in the 500. Two, he got the award for “Most Amazing Crash.” by flipping up in the air and having the car break into two pieces. That was about as bad of a wreck as you can have. He might have suffered a broken leg, but it could have been much worse.
 
I think it is also safe to say that Chip Ganassi, who has had cars win Daytona and Indy this year, is the happiest car owner in the land. Take that, Penske. I didn’t talk to much about Danica and that was because she didn’t really have a dog in this fight. She ended up 5^th, which ties her highest finish in the race. But, you keep on wondering when she is going to break that bubble and be 1^st, or that this point if she is going to stick it out in Indy Car long enough.
 
And, with that, the Traineo moves on-e-o.